“Health” Redefined

Oftentimes we are not aware of it, but we all receive constant messages from diet culture every day. The diet industry is a multi-billion dollar foundation built on a lot of misinformation, inaccurate medical advice, and flawed nutritional claims. Dieting altogether is also a largely unbeneficial, ineffective, and oftentimes harmful method of controlling the body. Not only is the need to control and change one’s body unhealthy and oppressive in many ways, but dieting is frequently unsuccessful in doing so.

Diets, especially fad diets, after being glamorized, popularized, and idolized by the media (and by many doctors too), continue to be seen as good, normal, healthy, and even necessary. Nowadays, particularly with the emergence of social media, dieting has become the motto for what we call “health”—a word that had been vastly misconstrued and warped into something it is not.

I grew up believing that at one point in my life I was going to have to start dieting, which meant that I had to give up eating how I liked to, give up many of my favorite foods, start keeping track of what I hate, when, and how much I ate, and to learn to avoid certain foods I was told were “bad” or “unhealthy.” The fact that I am a woman didn’t help this very much, as women in our society are subject to immense objectification, with an big emphasis on how their bodies look. As a result, I began dieting when I was young. I tried fad diets; I tried fasting techniques; I tried nutrient-counting; I tried my own diets; and eventually I turned to eating disorder behaviors such as restriction. As diet after diet “failed,” or as I became increasingly unsatisfied or unhappy following my attempt to diet, I shifted to blaming myself for what I believed was my own lack of self-control and will. This is the key manipulation tactic used by diet industries to get people into dieting, and believing that it really works. The result is a huge population of people who think that their “addiction” to food is wrong and something to be ashamed of. In actuality, what they are trying to achieve is something impossible: to become inhuman.

Every single one of us feels hunger, thirst, cravings, and likes/dislikes for certain kinds of food. If not for our ability to breathe, this would be the sole most important thing we as humans require in order to live. Why is it deemed “normal” and “healthy” to resist our most humanly desires—the very things that keep us alive and well?

I find that people sometimes counter this argument with an attitude of: well then, if that’s the case, everyone should just eat whatever they want, whenever they want. I remind those who present me with this view that yes, people should eat what they like, when they like—so long as they are eating mindfully and listening to their bodies. Because without the conditioning of society and diet culture, we know intuitively what is best for ourselves. It is the flawed and mixed messages we receive about food and health from around us that hinder our ability to connect with our true internal hungers and desires.

This is an issue for many people with eating disorders; they are unable to listen to their bodies and make helpful decisions about food. Many eating disorders erupt from an inability to properly feed, nourish, and moderate one’s eating patterns, so much so that their diet and mindset become disordered, lost, counterintuitive, and destructive. Often what is needed so badly by those with EDs is a reconnection to between their mind, body, and heart—ultimately an reconnection with themselves. By opening the door for this reconnection, we are able to rediscover our internal cues and explore our true likes and dislikes when it comes to food.

At different times in treatment, my dietitian asked me to categorize different foods into groups of “Likes,” “Dislikes,” “Love,” “Hate,” and ones I had never tried. My dietitian also asked me to list foods under what I perceived were “Good/Healthy” and “Bad/Unhealthy.” I then ranked my fear-level associated with each food on a scale of one (lowest fear-level) to ten (highest fear-level). For example, let’s say I placed carrots in the “Good/Healthy” category: while I still had fear when it came to food and eating, the degree of fear around this food was much less because of my belief that it was a “good” food. That said, I might have ranked it a two or a three. (In the eating disorder realm, we often call these kinds of foods, associated with low levels of fear and anxiety, “safe foods”).

After I had placed a bunch of different foods into these categories and observed my fear-level associated with each one, I took some time to reflect upon, journal about, and discuss with my dietitian about my choices. I started to notice particular patterns—some that I was conscious of, others that I was not—regarding certain foods, my beliefs about them, and my associated fears with them. For every person this might look different, but what we often see with patients with EDs is that there are specific foods and food groups that a lot of people call “bad” or “unhealthy;” thus, many ED patients have high levels of fears around these foods. Sometimes, foods that are negatively categorized coincide with people’s favorite foods, which in turn means that they feel the need to eliminate them from their palette.

Eventually my dietitian and I focused on reestablishing my connection with my true and innate likes/dislikes toward food. Referring back to the foods I had listed in categories of “Likes,” “Dislikes,” “Love,” and “Hate,” I was asked to contemplate my reasons for placing each food in that category. We discussed whether my choice to categorize certain foods in a distinct group was based on my true desires, or if my decision might have been biased by my eating disorder voice—influenced by diet culture, preconceived notions about food, and deep-rooted fears. Slowly but surely I deciphered between my true love for certain foods and my ED’s hate for them. I realized that some of the foods I had listed as “Likes” were only there because my eating disorder influenced me to put them there, not because I truly enjoyed them. Others that I had placed in “Dislikes” were actually foods that I really loved, but that I felt pressured by my eating disorder to say otherwise.

I went through many rediscoveries through this exercise of foods I loved and disliked. One that I will never forget was my realization of how much I LOVE peanut butter and jelly sandwiches! For years—practically since childhood—I had avoided one of my most favorite and nostalgic foods because of my belief that they were “unhealthy,” and the high fears I had around eating them. After building up the courage to face my fears and try this food again while in treatment (something we call an “exposure”), I was on the way to healing my relationship with this food. The experience, though frightening at the time, was eye-opening and honestly beautiful for me. Though I know firsthand that not every “exposure” with these kinds of foods will be easy or fun, they are important if you want to heal your relationship with food. As you progress through recovery, you’ll start to rediscover your love for different foods, and you’ll start tuning into your body more. The overbearing, unforgiving, and ridiculing shadow of diet culture will eventually become less overpowering, and you’ll begin to distinguish between what is really best for you, and what you are told is “good” for you. As diet culture paradoxically takes away one’s autonomy, recovery gives it back.

It is important to keep in mind that one size does not fit all—that what works for one may not work for another. In my journey, I have had to learn to accept that while dieting does not by any means work for me (as in I know that it does more harm than good), I cannot control what others do, nor do I know what is best for them. While I don’t condone or encourage dieting, there are people in my life who do diet, and all that I can do is accept this, be there for them, and also instill my own boundaries. I encourage every individual, regardless of whether or not you struggle with disordered eating, to do the same. Listen to your body. Follow the call of your heart. And remember to be mindful.

With Love,

Brinn W.